August 11, 1968

It was my birthday and I was crying in my bed. I was coming down off of everything and not taking it well. Baby is stroking my hair and telling me to breathe slow, but I can’t. All I could do is pant and mumble about how I can’t feel my dick. Baby still had her skirt and heels on and I want her to get naked so we can screw. I leaned off the edge of the bed and vomit into a steel bucket. There’s bile in it and a little bit of blood, but Baby doesn’t know that I’m sure not going to tell her. I could feel the stubble above her lip when she kissed me. Baby hated waxing her face but did it every other day because I wanted her to.

“Honey you need to take a bath and calm down.”

It’s happening again. I don’t know what, but it’s happening again. I can’t remember what I was doing for the last minute or so. It’s like someone just created me and put memories into my brain to make it seem real. I know the boygirl holding me in hir arms right now. I know the room around me. But none of it seems real. I can’t but leave her and she won’t remember me after anyway. I love Baby because of how she makes me feel, how she makes me laugh, how she makes me forget how different we are from everyone else. The greaser witch and his tranny girlfriend in this bombed out version of reality. She takes the kerchief out of my back pocket and starts wiping the vom drool from my lips.

“Shit, Baby, I’m so sorry.”

“Why?”

“Shit, Baby… shit.”

“Its ok.”

“Fuck, baby, I need to go.”

I hop on my bike and ride away. I can feel him behind me in the blackness. The rider, the reaper, I am became DEATH. Big Daddy 13 riding hard behind me. The circles of spacetime begin to converge completely. It’s happening and it feels like two ball bearings grinding themselves into oblivion on either side of my soul. Phoenix force rises in the heart and burns. I pedal harder trying to outrun him, even tho I know he’s stronger and smarter than me. I can’t beat him at chess or even Twister for that matter. I can smell his stink like the reincarnation of Citizen Kane behind me, licking his lips, getting ready to cut me down right in the middle of the road.

What will Baby do?

******

What the fuck am I wearing?